


Look At You

by ruru_u



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Body Positivity, Body Worship, Fluff, Graphic descriptions of love and sappy thoughts, I refuse to take responsibility as you have been fairly warned, Lots of praise & pet names, M/M, Mirror Sex, Mostly a feel-good fic though, Post-Series, Smut, Warning: some negative self-talk and body insecurity, anxiety is a bitch, mutual handjobs, you may get cavities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 11:21:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruru_u/pseuds/ruru_u
Summary: After retiring from the professional circuit, Yuuri finds that keeping his weight in check is next to impossible. With self-consciousness causing him to withdraw overtime, his husband desperately wants to show him how attractive he still is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: HAHA FUCK ME I FORGOT YUURI'S GLASSES (have inserted a quick sentence to rectify that) *lies down*

The shower was running when Viktor woke up.

He grumbled to himself and flipped over to face the bathroom door, wishing he hadn’t missed Yuuri’s morning cuddles. Again.

Lately, Yuuri seemed to be dressed and ready by the time Viktor woke up more often than not. If he wasn’t already out of bed, he was eager to have some privacy and sometimes even kicked Viktor out of the room for staring too much.

Viktor sighed. He longed for the days when Yuuri would just slip out of bed in the buff and take his time picking out clothes, not opposed to prying eyes. Every now and then he would glance at his husband and make a snide comment, but he obviously didn’t mind. A few times he even put on a show, wiggling his ass for Viktor and laughing at his reactions. Viktor loved to watch him get ready in the mornings; he was so damn cute with his messy hair and squeaky yawns. What had changed?

Viktor hugged the pillow and sighed. A part of him suspected that he knew the reason.

Yuuri was chubby again.

Ever since they retired, and no longer stuck to the same harsh regimen as they used to, he had struggled to keep off the weight. Viktor tried to show him he didn’t care by teasing him and touching him, but Yuuri would only get mad and distance himself even more. They’d been together long enough that something so small shouldn’t matter, right?

But then again, this was Yuuri. And no matter how much their relationship matured, the sad truth was that Viktor sometimes had no clue how to approach his husband’s anxiety. Especially when it came to his looks; Yuuri was his own biggest critic, and it had taken years for Viktor to earn his full trust. The thing that drove him crazy was how, nowadays, Yuuri seemed to be witholding that openness from him and retreating back into his shell. He was building up the walls that hadn’t been around since their very first days together, back in Hasetsu.

The water stopped. Viktor sat up and listened, but didn’t hear the sound of the shower curtain sliding open. He realized then just how desperate he was to empty his bladder.

“Hey, Yuuri?” He hopped out of bed and went to knock on the bathroom door. “Can I come in?” He tried the doorknob and found it locked. Yuuri never used to lock the door when he showered, unless they were fighting and he needed space. But as far as Viktor could remember, there hadn’t been any major arguments lately.

Yuuri gasped from inside. “No! Don’t come in!”

“Please? I have to pee so badly.” Viktor hoped his voice sounded pitiful enough.

“Can you wait just a second? I have to dry off and get dressed.”

“Just unlock the door. It’s not like we’ve never seen each other naked.” After another pause, he whined again, “Please, _dorogoi!_ It’s an emergency!”

After a bit of shuffling around from inside, Yuuri clicked the lock and let Viktor barge in, sighing as he freed himself and aimed his stream into the bowl. He didn’t even bother to sneak a glimpse at Yuuri until his relief cleared and he turned to ask what had taken so long.

The younger man was just standing there, still dripping, a towel wrapped around him from the chest down. He clutched it tight, eyes wide and flitting away as soon as they met Viktor’s.

“You like what you see?” After shaking himself dry, Viktor pulled his waistband down to give Yuuri a peek at his butt and stuck his tongue out at him.

That seemed to do the trick, at least a little bit. Yuuri’s serious expression made way for a tiny smirk in return, head shaking back and forth. “Yes, very nice. Now leave so I can dry off.” His free hand reached out to playfully swat Viktor out the door.

“Why?” Viktor’s brows knit together as he tucked himself away. “It’s not like I’ve never seen your ass.”

“Because I like my privacy. Is that so weird?” Yuuri continued to smile as if it was no big deal.

“No, of course not.” Viktor didn’t buy it; this forced shyness was getting more and more grating by the second. “I just wonder what makes it so important now. We’re married, aren’t we?”

Yuuri’s face reddened. “That doesn’t make you entitled to look at me.”

And suddenly it was a fight. Viktor hated the feeling of anger that itched inside, but he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there. “I know that! Jesus, Yuuri, don’t twist what I’m trying to say.”

“How come you want to see me naked so bad in the first place?” His tone was accusatory.

“Do I need a reason? I just want you to stop hiding yourself from me all the time.”

“I’m not.”

“Yuuri, please.” Viktor leveled his gaze and arched an eyebrow. “I do pay attention. You act like you’re scared for me to see you! Am I crazy, or has it been like six months since the last time we showered together? And you yell at me if I dare to walk in on you while you’re getting dressed. We’re not boyfriends anymore.” He was tempted to remind him of just how close they really had gotten to each other while naked, but poking buttons now would only make him withdraw more. “I thought we were past the whole shy thing.”

“You’re taking it way out of proportion,” Yuuri said, but he wouldn’t look him in the eye. His cheeks burned. It was clear that he agreed and was just avoiding it.

“Then take the towel off.”

Viktor reached for him, but Yuuri jerked away with a shout of “No!” and backed up against the sink.

They were silent for a long moment. Viktor gaped at him before he spoke, feeling hurt. “What’s wrong with you? What is this?”

Yuuri’s face was frozen in a hard frown.

“Yuuri? Come on, _golubushka_ , talk to me.” Viktor lowered his voice into a more soothing register and swallowed down his own frustration. It wasn’t always easy for Yuuri to open up. He knew that, and he needed to be patient. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for not knowing how to make you understand. I love you, and I just want you to feel comfortable around me, that’s all. That’s all, Yurachka.” While saying the words, he had stepped closer to Yuuri, and was pleased to find that the other man leaned into his palm when he laid it against his cheek, instead of turning away. His gaze was still trained on the wall, but his resolve was clearly melting.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Sweetheart…” Viktor brushed his thumbs along Yuuri’s cheeks and shushed him. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just want to know how you feel.”

Yuuri nodded. He blinked rapidly, still looking away, and Viktor caught the tears that fell and wiped them with his fingertips. Seeing that Yuuri was starting to shiver, Viktor’s first instinct was to take the towel off of him and dry him all over, warm him up with his hands and his lips, but now was obviously not the time. Instead, he grabbed a hand towel off the rack next to them and used it to rub Yuuri’s hair. “Let’s go lie down, _da?_ ”

Yuuri followed him to the bed and they nestled under the covers facing each other. Viktor held the hand towel against Yuuri’s head and stroked gently. “I know,” he murmured. “It’s alright. You've been having a hard time with your anxiety, hm?”

Sniffling, Yuuri shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”

Viktor’s hand traveled down his neck and rested on his upper arm. “I’ve noticed that you need a lot more space lately, and how you don’t seem to want me to look at you when you’re naked. That’s okay; I’m not blaming you. I just wanted you to know I’ve noticed.”

Yuuri’s mouth twisted in acknowledgement.

“Are you feeling self-conscious?”

“Yeah…” Yuuri sighed. He rubbed at his eyes and flicked them up to meet Viktor’s. “I’m sorry.”

“Shhhhhh, none of that. Will you tell me what’s been bothering you?”

Yuuri scooted up closer and Viktor hugged him, chin resting atop his still-damp head. Without the eye contact, he’d find it easier to open up.

“I’ve been gaining weight,” he began, “and I just didn’t want you to notice how bad it had gotten, I guess.”

Viktor frowned. He figured, but it hurt to hear it out loud. He knew he had made a horrible first impression with Yuuri’s weight and kicked himself all the time for it. “I’m sorry I ever made you think that wasn’t okay,” he said. “I love every inch of you, _dorogoi._ ”

Yuuri shifted back a bit. “I just… I feel bad, because I know you’d prefer me skinny…”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Viktor cut him off. “Don’t ever say that. Don’t even think it.”

Yuuri tensed all over. The tears were back. “I-I just… I want to be good for you.”

Viktor kissed his head and held him closer, hand rubbing up and down his back, feeling the plush skin over his shoulder blades and spine, soft and hot beneath his touch. “You are so perfect for me, Yuuri,” he assured him. “God, you have no idea. You are the light of my life, and if I didn’t love you in every shape you came in, I wouldn’t have married you. I wouldn’t be right here with you now, would I?” He pulled his lips away and carded his fingers through Yuuri’s hair for a while, waiting for him to respond. When he stayed silent, Viktor continued. “I never should have been so mean about your weight before. It had nothing to do with my attraction for you, I promise. It was all about skating.”

Yuuri exhaled through his nose. “So what? At first I didn’t care too much, but then it just… I don’t know, I guess stuck with me. And now that I’ve gotten bigger and I’m not skating as much anymore, I kind of feel like maybe you’ll stop wanting me? It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not stupid!”

“Well, my brain kept on telling me that if I gained weight, I’d be failing you. I was also kind of mad about what you said because I felt like I could skate even when I was chubby, but I guess it’s true it affects my stamina… anyway, I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I really don’t like what I see.” He swallowed hard. When he spoke on, his voice was thick with tears again, and it broke Viktor’s heart. “Because I’m scared you won’t like it either. Because I’m scared you’ll only want me if I’m thin and I’ve never really thought I was that good-looking anyway, and…” His whole body tightened more and more. “...I can’t stay thin, I try but I just can’t, and I don’t want to fail at being your husband… I want to be good enough for you, but sometimes I just feel like I’m nothing you could ever want, especially like this.” He sobbed. “I feel like… I’m… I’m a fat pig…”

Viktor held him silently for a while, letting him cry. He was wracking his brain. He’d seen Yuuri sink before, but never to such a degree because of appearances. Though he realized Yuuri had lots of insecurities - and after getting to know him, that weight was one potential - it never occurred to Viktor that he’d question their relationship over it. Viktor had been trying to show him that he still found him sexy and desirable, but instead he had put pressure on him and pushed too hard. He wished he’d just communicated with him sooner instead of letting his own frustration hold him back.

“My darling,” he whispered, rubbing Yuuri’s back in slow strokes. “My sweet, sweet Yuuri. I love you in every possible way.” He kissed his hair and smiled, pressing closer. “I’m so incredibly attracted to you. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know how badly I want you every second of every day? Not despite your body, but because of it. And because of so many other things, an infinite number of reasons.” He blinked back his own emotions and squeezed Yuuri so tightly it hurt. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my light.”

Yuuri finally opened his arms and clung to him. Although the words were kind and sincere, that nagging part of his mind continued to draw doubt. “I wish I could believe it. I’m trying,” he mumbled.

“Yes, you are. You’re fighting so hard, my sweet strong boy.” Viktor’s grip loosened just a touch, but he kept his hands splayed on Yuuri’s upper back. He could feel even there how soft and chubby he was getting, and he loved it. He had always loved Yuuri’s body; his muscles and tone, yes, but also his stretch marks, the little bit of baby fat around his hips that never seemed to go away, how his cheeks rounded out when he started gaining. He was beautiful in every form he came in, and Viktor was privileged to get to see him and touch him and experience him. He’d do anything to make Yuuri understand.

“I feel weak and stupid for letting this get to me so much.”

“You’re neither of those things.” Viktor paused. “I know my words can’t take this all away, Yuuri. I just want you to hear me say that I love you now just as much as I ever have. In fact, every time I look at you I fall in love with you all over again, you’re so beautiful. Every time I touch you I’m afraid it’s just a wonderful dream. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and I’ll always desire you. I'll always find you sexy.” He smiled, thinking. “Even when we’re both a hundred and wrinkled, with bad backs, and gray hair, and soft tummies, and liver spots, and gross old guy coughs.”

Yuuri huffed out a laugh, tucking his face down. Viktor chuckled along with him. “You’ll never be gross,” he mumbled. After a beat he added, “And you already have gray hair, so that won’t be a problem.”

“Hey!” Viktor pinched him, making him squeak. They both laughed until the tension had all but gone, and Yuuri pulled back so that their faces were aligned and they could share a tentative kiss.

The damp towel was starting to make Yuuri uncomfortable. “I’m sorry about all this,” he sighed.

Viktor brushed his hair back with a soft _tsk_. “It’s all okay. No one could blame you for feeling insecure, Yuuri-chan. You’re only human.” As he leaned forward to kiss Yuuri again, he noticed the bathroom door still open, light shining on the large mirror against the wall.

“Hey,” he whispered, smiling against Yuuri’s ear. “Come with me.”

Yuuri looked quizzical, but he consented anyway. Viktor handed him his glasses from the bedside table. His towel was getting loose, and he clutched it tightly to his chest as they stepped into the bathroom, silent.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and felt unsexy all over again. His cheeks were blotchy and red from crying, and his hair was messy from the shower, not to mention the way his bulges showed through the concealing towel even though he hadn’t even had breakfast yet. Maybe he should exercise more. True he took a run almost every morning and skated at work plenty, but maybe he should do more. Maybe some ab crunches. Those had always been his least favorite; so tedious. Maybe he should diet. Just the thought made his mouth twist into a grimace.

Viktor turned to him. “Will you take the towel off? For me, please? I want to show you something.”

Yuuri sucked in a breath and sighed it back out. He thought he knew where Viktor was going with this. Humoring him, he let the towel fall to the floor and kicked it aside.

“Good boy,” Viktor whispered. “Mmm, there you are. Look at those beautiful curves.” He stepped closer to Yuuri and ran feather-light fingertips down his arms, leaving goosebumps. Yuuri shivered a bit and lifted his hands to his chest, hiding it as he felt his nipples harden with the chill.

“Ooooh,” Viktor cooed, gently pushing Yuuri’s arms back down. “You’re so beautiful. Radiant. Just an angel sent from heaven.” His eyes shimmered gleefully as they traveled along every inch of Yuuri’s skin. The invasive stare made him blush, and suddenly he didn’t want to do this anymore.

Just as he was about to retreat though, Yuuri saw a flash of something else in Viktor’s eyes. He studied his face freely and tried to determine what was there, curiosity winning. Automatically his mind searched for disgust or boredom or another negative emotion, but what he found, upon further inspection, was something closer to worship.

“Come, look in the mirror.” Viktor stepped out of the way and gently positioned Yuuri beside him.

Having lived in his own body all his life, with all its fluctuations, Yuuri was used to the sight of himself; but standing next to his scantily clad husband made him feel like a fat cow. Viktor’s tone wasn’t exactly as defined as it used to be, sure - but he had definitely never been overweight, and could easily pass as a supermodel to boot. His chest was broad and beautiful, bare from all of the waxing and pampering. His posture screamed confidence. Below his belly button was a trail of small platinum curls that disappeared into his briefs in a scandalous way. Yuuri let his wide eyes travel down Viktor’s toned legs and then back up, exploring his hip bones and trying to find some flaw. There wasn’t any.

Moist warmth against his jaw shocked him out of the reverie. “Look at you, not me,” Viktor teased him, biting the air beside his neck before pressing a soft open-mouthed kiss there.

“Nnnhh,” Yuuri sighed, fighting back a sudden rush of arousal. He saw his blush travel into his chest and felt uncomfortably open, shuddering. “W-where should I look?”

Viktor sensed his reticence. “Shhhhh, sweet boy. Just try to relax. We can stop if you want to.”

Yuuri considered it, but the hand on his back made a lazy circle and he steeled his resolve. Anxiety won so often, it wasn’t fair. He decided it was at least worth trying to tip the scales. Besides, Viktor was right; they hadn’t been able to really look at each other like this in quite some time. True his husband was an exhibitionist, but Yuuri could hardly remember the last time they’d been intimate without darkness and blankets, at his own request of course.

“No. I’ll look. I just don’t really know what I’m supposed to be seeing.”

Viktor moved a little behind Yuuri and wrapped his arms around him. He linked his hands at the top of Yuuri’s stomach. “Look at your face first,” he muttered. With a goal in mind, it was a little easier, and Yuuri studied himself.

“See how beautiful your eyes are?” Viktor said. His reflection smiled at Yuuri, chin resting on shoulder. “Such a dark, rich brown. And so expressive! And your eyebrows, too - I just love it when you make those intense faces.” He kissed his cheek. “And your nose is just perfect. I’m jealous of it. So small and cute.”

“What? But your nose is way more handsome than mine. I love how it curves, and makes such a nice profile-”

Viktor laughed, nudging Yuuri with his nose until he was facing himself again. “Sweet of you to say, but I want you to think about you right now. Look,” he whispered, and placed his finger on the tip of Yuuri’s nose. “I love your face so much. It’s beyond perfect. My little Yuuri; my favorite face in the whole world. It’s the best sight in the world to wake up to, and to see before I fall asleep. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Yuuri looked back at himself as Viktor planted slow, tender kisses all along his cheek, humming and smiling. It was impossible not to indulge him just a little. Yuuri blinked at himself shyly, biting his lower lip as a grin stretched his lips.

“There he is,” Viktor whispered, meeting Yuuri’s gaze in the mirror and winking. “Now, let’s go lower.” He snaked one of his hands up and traced Yuuri’s smile with his finger, then gently traveled down, stroking under his soft chin where a bit of fat always seemed to reside. Viktor gently pinched it between his thumb and forefinger with a happy hum before running his hand down Yuuri’s throat and stopping at his left breast. “Mmmmmm, this is one of my favorite parts of you.”

Yuuri tried to steady his breathing. Awkward as he felt, it was hard not to respond to the intimate touch. Suddenly, the hand squeezed, and he gasped. “Viktor!”

“Is this okay?” Viktor asked, lips moving against Yuuri’s neck.

“Mmmn.” Yuuri shifted his hips a bit, forcing himself to calm down. “Its just embarrassing.”

“I love your chest.” Viktor traced his nipple with one finger, then brushed over the sensitive bud a few times before pinching it softly between two fingers and rolling it back and forth. Yuuri breathed evenly and watched him work. “I love looking at it. I love touching it. I love to taste it.” He shifted and gave Yuuri a moment to resist before attaching his mouth to the skin of his breast and suckling, leaving a hickey behind when he pulled away. Yuuri felt his cock fill at the sound Viktor’s lips and tongue made. He whimpered, but didn’t stop him, still watching in fascination as his husband worshipped his chest with his mouth and fingers, playing with his nipples and gently kissing them both in turn. Luckily he didnt suck either of them, or else Yuuri’s knees would probably give out. He was incredibly sensitive there.

“Ooooooh, such a beautiful, sweet tummy,” Viktor said softly. He almost seemed to be talking to himself. “I love this part of you, too. So soft and warm. Ah, Yuuri, my perfect love…” With a sigh, he knelt in front of Yuuri and genty turned him until he could see himself from the side, then smeared loving kisses all along his belly, from the very top of his stomach where his diaphragm stretched against held breath, all the way down the sides of his ribs which were no longer visible under the fat deposits there, tracing stretch marks to his waist and back up again, finally dipping his tongue into Yuuri’s belly button. After teasing there for a while, Viktor bit and kissed his way down the trail of dark hair on Yuuri’s lower belly until his nose was buried in it.

Those soft smooches and teasing nips were more than Yuuri could handle. He panted, petting Viktor’s head and staring down at him. He watched the downy silver eyelashes flutter as Viktor continued nuzzling, heard the soft scratchy sound of his pubic hair against his husband’s face. His mouth was watering so much he had to swallow three times before it felt safe to drop open and moan.

“You like this?” Viktor uttered against his skin. He inhaled deeply, “Fuck, you smell so good.”

Yuuri wasn’t sure what to say. From his vantage point, he looked chubbier than ever. His belly was too saggy and bloated and his sides were too lumpy, his stretch marks were more dark and wide, his breasts bulged out too much. _I'm so disgusting,_ he thought all of a sudden. He still didn’t understand why Viktor would want to touch him in this way. His hands were exploring, traveling the dips and curves of Yuuri’s waist and up to his ribcage, squeezing the pudge there as a grin broke out on his face. He looked up to meet Yuuri’s stare and suddenly sobered. “What’s wrong? You look upset.” He rocked back on his heels to give Yuuri some space, but kept the strong grip on his waist.

“Am I really beautiful like this?” he questioned.

“Of course. I’d do anything to prove it to you.”

Yuuri sniffed. “I don’t want you to do this just to make me feel better,” he said shyly.

Viktor stood up with a soft grunt and tipped Yuuri’s face upwards. “I do want you to feel better,” he said, “but it’s more than just that. I miss touching you and seeing you without any barriers.” He kissed Yuuri’s eyelid and stroked along his cheek, afraid to let go. “I miss you.”

Yuuri leaned in and gave him a hug. He didn’t speak, but instead hoped his husband could feel through the touch that he was sorry - even if Viktor wouldn’t want him to be - and that he missed him too. That he didn’t want to hide just as much as he _did_ want to. That he was confused about a lot of things, and was sorry he hadn’t opened up about it sooner.

When he let go, Viktor once again dropped to his knees and kissed along Yuuri’s stretch marks. “I love these,” he said. “Look in the mirror. Look at your lines.”

Yuuri took a deep breath and turned to face himself. He stepped a little closer and let Viktor’s fingers guide his eyes, tracing one marking all the way down to the top of his thigh. “They’re so pretty, like lightning in the sky. Or roads on a map.” Viktor grinned and kissed the one he had just touched. “I love them, don’t you?”

Yuuri shrugged.

“I’ve always enjoyed them. You know that. What makes now so different?” As he spoke, he looked up at Yuuri and continued tracing them with light touches that made him want to shiver.

“Because I’m not skinny enough to make up for it,” he heard himself say.

“Give me your hand.” Viktor gently guided Yuuri’s fingers down to where his own were placed, and let him feel the gentle, shallow valleys, smoothing back and forth and up the bottom of his belly. “You can close your eyes if you want. Just feel, _dorogoi._ I want you to feel what I do when I touch your beautiful skin.”

Viktor was pleased to see a dark blush alight on Yuuri’s cheeks and chest. And that wasn’t the only part of him blushing… Viktor was almost tempted to stimulate him a bit, but that wouldn’t really be fair with his eyes closed and unsuspecting. Besides, it wasn’t about getting off (at least not at the moment). It was about making Yuuri see himself the way he deserved to.

“Tell me how it feels,” he said. “Use nice words.”

Yuuri took a couple breaths. His tight hand began to relax. “It’s soft?” he offered. “Um… and warm? And a little fuzzy, like a peach. It... it’s kind of silky.”

Viktor chuckled. “It’s _very_ silky. You have the nicest skin.” He kissed Yuuri’s fingers and then released them. When his husband opened his eyes, he smiled, and although it was shy and hesitant, Viktor took it as a good sign.

“Keep touching,” he whispered, and brought Yuuri’s hand up to his stomach. “Use your fingertips and palms. Feel your body.”

Yuuri nodded. As Viktor continued his journey downward to praise his thighs, Yuuri was almost a little disappointed that he hadn’t stopped at the one place that was currently begging for attention, but maybe that would come later. He let his fingertips dance along the edges of his torso as Viktor kissed and sucked at his waist while his hands squeezed along his upper legs.

“That feels good,” Yuuri mumbled.

“Yeah.” Viktor smooched just above his knee and snaked his hands behind him to reverently touch the cellulite beneath his butt. He hummed as he pushed further into his skin, massaging and kneading. Yuuri’s soft noises of pleasure began to stir something within him. He had already gotten excited, but now his heart was hammering and it was near impossible not to get a little dirty. “Mmmm, it feels wonderful here. You’re so soft, I could touch you all day long. I wish I could just eat you up.” His tongue laved up along Yuuri’s inner thighs where they touched and he had to back away.

Suddenly Viktor grabbed the outsides of his legs and started turning him around again. “Come on” he urged, grinning devilishly. “Let me show you one of my favorite parts of you.”

“You’re teasing too much,” Yuuri panted.

“I’ve never been more serious.”

Before Yuuri could clarify what he meant, Viktor had moved to stand in front of him and locked their bodies together. Finally getting some friction made Yuuri’s mind go blank. “Aaaaaaah!” He winced and bucked his hips forward, brushing his cock against the damp fabric of Viktor’s underwear. “No, take these off,” he begged, grinding against him one more time and snapping his waistband against his hip.

“Patience,” Viktor whispered. “Look behind you. I want you to see what I see.”

Yuuri felt and saw Viktor’s hands massaging his cheeks. He whined softly and let his hips shift leisurely against the pressure on both ends. “Ah, fuck,” Viktor whispered. In the mirror, Yuuri could see over his shoulder the look of desperation etched on his husband’s face. He watched him drop open his mouth and sink his teeth into his shoulder, just barely stopping before it hurt. “Oh, god, Yuuri, how could you think you’re not beautiful? I’m getting hard just seeing you like this.” His sharp blue eyes opened and rolled up to meet Yuuri’s in their reflection, sharing a mischievous grin. “You’re so fucking sexy.” Maintaining eye contact, he licked up the side of Yuuri’s neck all the way to his cheek and enjoyed the look of pure shock on that cute face.

“V-Viktor!”

“Hush now. Let me take care of you. Look at that cute butt of yours… mm, I love it so much. So soft, so warm, so squishy.” He nibbled at Yuuri’s jaw and plafully laid down a trail of loud smooches, making Yuuri giggle uncontrollably at the same time he ground forward against a swelling erection. Finally Viktor paused and laid his lips against Yuuri’s collarbone, glancing up at the reflection of them in the mirror. He wondered why he’d never thought of this before; it was a huge turn-on. Yuuri’s creases and curves on display drove him wild, paired with the feeling of their stomachs and chests flush together.

His hands pulled Yuuri’s cheeks apart and he gasped softly at the little pink pucker between them. Yuuri had turned back around when distracted earlier and had his head lolled back, mouth slack in ecstasy. One of his hands had ended up on his breast and was gently pinching and twisting his own nipple. Viktor grunted and felt his cock twitch at the sight. _Is he doing that on purpose?_

“Look one more time for me,” Viktor said into his skin.

Yuuri’s head fell forward and he nuzzled Viktor’s face before twisting back around just enough to see where his partner’s hands were placed, gently massaging his cheeks and parting them to expose his most private area. “You have the cutest ass in the world.”

Suddenly Yuuri’s hands found their way to Viktor’s butt and pushed past the barrier of his underwear. “No, you do.” He laughed as his fingers played against his skin, already moist from sweat, and rubbed a finger against his entrance.

Finally Viktor shed the only thing he’d been wearing and tossed them away, joining Yuuri in being vulnerable and nude. Their mouths found each other, kissed, and smiled, tongues slowly sliding in to taste their favorite flavor and teeth grazing against hot, pliant lips.

Quickly things became passionate and desperate. Viktor let Yuuri stroke him, then mouthed at his neck and took him in hand. “Have I said how much I love your cock?” he panted against Yuuri’s sweaty skin. “Because I really, really do.”

Yuuri gasped a breath and pushed his hips upward into his husband’s grasping hand. The man was an expert at jerking him off, that much could never be denied. “You might have mentioned it once or twice.”

Viktor didn’t stop. “Mm, it’s just so soft, like fucking velvet. God, darling, it’s the best. So smooth… mm, so thick and wet and perfect.”

Yuuri didn’t bother arguing. “Yours is - aaaa-aaaAAAH!”

Viktor was rubbing his thumb against the tip. Yuuri mimicked his movement in retaliation, smirking at the animalistic groan that resulted. Suddenly he had an odd thought at such a moment. He remembered the first time he’d seen Viktor naked at Yu-topia, bared and dripping after his soak in the onsen. Unabashed and uncircumcised. It wasn't a sexual context, and with the initial shock, Yuuri didn't really have time to enjoy what he was seeing. Instead he had taken the time to do so later, after their relationship solidified. He remembered memorizing every inch of him and finding something new to love each time. He had worried even then that he wasn't good enough; but Viktor had always looked at him like he was worth his weight in gold. Suddenly it was becoming clear again why.

“I can’t live without you,” Viktor huffed. He latched his mouth onto Yuuri’s throat and suckled. “Oh, Yuuri, I love you so much… my sexy little _malysh_ … my angel, _zolotse_ … aaaaahhhn, fuck, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come, sweet baby…!!”

Yuuri was close too, but he didn’t want to miss this. Viktor was so especially beautiful when his pleasure took him. He pulled back just enough to see his face, to watch him fall apart, still panting.

Viktor tensed and dipped his head down just a bit, saliva dripping down his chin from where he’d been kissing Yuuri’s neck. His cheeks and nose and lips were a lovely shade of red. His brows turned upward and his eyes suddenly opened, unfocused and wide before they settled on Yuuri and softened into bliss. Yuuri kissed his upper lip gently, savoring the high pitched whimper that earned him. Viktor’s cum spurted out in thick ropes, drenching his hand and both of their bellies, hot and slick. In that moment Yuuri found his own climax, and sobbed relief into Viktor’s mouth as his husband diligently pumped him through to the very last pulse of pleasure.

They took their time coming down.

Viktor blew out a breath into Yuuri’s hair after a while and kissed him, holding on tightly. What had started as an innocent exercise in self-love had turned into a quick morning fuck. Part of him wished he’d been able to resist, but maybe this was a bit of what Yuuri needed. After all, it’d be hard to deny that Viktor found him sexy after that. He just hoped his husband knew how much he loved to see him naked in every other context too.

“Let’s go back to bed.”

Yuuri nodded. He let Viktor lead him by the hand, flicking off the light on the way. He tossed his glasses and flopped onto the mattress while Viktor stumbled back in the bathroom to soak a warm washcloth. He splayed himself out languidly so Viktor could clean him up. He kept his eyes closed, just enjoying the sensation; Viktor’s hand was tender and affectionate as he mopped up their shared mess from his tummy and genitals. “Hmhm. Your dick is cute even when it’s soft.”

Yuuri’s eyes shot open and he gasped when he felt Viktor press a kiss there. “Hey!” He pushed his head away, but was laughing. “You’re… extremely weird...”

Viktor tossed the rag aside and hopped onto Yuuri shamelessly, his own member coming to rest between their thighs. “You like it.”

“So?”

They shared a kiss. It occurred to Yuuri that this was the first time in a while they’d been this intimate, and a flash of guilt struck him. “I really am sorry,” he muttered. “I should have talked to you about all this.”

Viktor shook his head, face nestled between Yuuri’s breasts. “I was the one who made you think you couldn’t do that. It doesn’t matter whether I meant to or not, I still did, and I was wrong. I take it all back. You mean everything to me.” His expression was serious when he lifted his face. “I’m sorry, Yuuri.”

“I forgive you.”

“Well.” Viktor kissed his chest. “I’m glad, but more than anything, I just want you to love yourself. And to not feel ashamed to be seen by me.” He rolled off of Yuuri and pulled the covers over them. “And Yuuri, it’s not just because I want to enjoy the view, although I do. It’s also because I hate the thought of you seeing yourself in a negative light.”

Yuuri scooted up as close to him as possible. Here they were, back in bed again. It was close to nine in the morning. He wished he could hide in here forever, snuggled up under the blankets - but with Viktor. Not alone and hidden. If he wanted to be concealed from the world on his worst days, then at the very least, he knew Viktor was a safe exception. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he would always meet him where he was.

“I know. I’m trying.” Yuuri smiled and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Vitya.”

“No, thank you. Thank you for being exactly who you are.” Viktor kissed the bridge of his nose. “My little katsudon.”

Yuuri sighed at the sappiness. He nuzzled into Viktor’s neck and let him kiss his hair and cuddle for as long as he wanted. Maybe if he pretended to fall asleep, Viktor would bring him breakfast in bed.

It seemed like a good plan until he heard his husband’s soft snores. _Dammit._

Still, he couldn’t help but smile; and he realized just how much he loved the sound of Viktor’s snoring. Just like he loved his thick accent, and his silver hair, and his shiny pink appendix scar, and his toes that stuck out to the side, and his cute little butt with the beauty spot right next to his entrance that Yuuri always loved to kiss and tease him about. Viktor named it “Nestor” just to make Yuuri laugh.

Maybe there were things about both of them that some people wouldn’t like. Maybe there were things about Viktor that Yuuri wouldn’t like if they weren’t lovers, and vice versa. Maybe Viktor really did love everything about him because he _was_ him, just like if Viktor woke up tomorrow with an extra hundred pounds or so, Yuuri would delight in him just as much as ever.

He felt silly for letting his anxiety tell him otherwise. But he knew it couldn’t be helped. At least, next time, Viktor would be there to steer him in the right direction.

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write a chubby Yuuri appreciation fic for a long time. He is a cinnamon roll and deserves to be protected and enjoyed for the sweet fluffy beauty he is.
> 
> I too have some pretty serious anxiety disorders as well as a long history (and current) of self-negativity, including insecurity about looks. That kind of thing is really common, I think. Too much so. I wish more people could look in the mirror and love what they see. I don't bring it up to justify how this is written - everyone's experience is different, and I welcome any and all criticisms and comments!
> 
> I know sexy times aren't a guaranteed fix, but I decided to use sex as an element in this fic because having my first physical relationship (around Yuuri's age in fact) really changed my view of myself. Just having someone say in all sincerity that they were attracted to me made me feel like I had the potential to be desired despite my flaws. Physical intimacy can be a great tool for communication in the right circumstances.
> 
> I think we're all beautiful - and not that "on the inside" stuff but ON THE OUTSIDE TOO! As a demi I guess I'm also projecting the fact that after getting to know/love someone I find every part of them sexy because my attraction is primarily based on bonds ;}
> 
> PS this is also to call Viktor out for his fat shaming in the first couple episodes because it's fun bye
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for reading!


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